Talking Hearing Loss

‘Panda’ has asked to remain anonymous. She was diagnosed having profound hearing loss at 14 months which left her ‘hearing’ parents with the difficult choice of which culture she would be a part of.

Hi all, my name is _____ and I am in my early 20’s who resides in the most isolated city in the world, Perth. I was diagnosed with a bilateral profoundly hearing loss at 14 months old while I am born to my both hearing parents, there is no history of deafness in our family and when other parents are focused on helping their kids to walk and talk, my mum and dad had to think about an issue that many parents never even contemplate: they had to decide which culture their daughter should be a part of. I could join their world, the hearing world if I receive a cochlear implant. Yet implants don’t work perfectly. Everyday conversation can remain a challenge, for instance, especially when there’s a lot of background noise and noise discrimination involved. What’s more, implants might cut me off from a community that, some would argue is my birthright: ‘the Deaf world’ where lack of hearing is an identity to be celebrated, not a disability to be cured apparently. My parents decided to make a decision what is in the best interest of their child and I’ve to say it was a challenging but best decision they’ve ever made for me.

When I was 2 years old, I was operated on and was implanted with a Cochlear implant on my right ear, they are referred to as ‘bionic ears’. At the time, I was the youngest cochlear implant recipient in Western Australia. To have this opportunity has made me immensely grateful and appreciative to be apart of the beautiful hearing world, Cochlear implant technology and the blessing it is in my life. I honestly can’t imagine my life what it would be like without the Cochlear implant yet alone all the blissful sounds and bass music I love listening to!

However, I’ve to admit it wasn’t a easy journey and road for me to try fit in the hearing world where I am not really supposed to belong to as I should’ve ‘been in the deaf world’ and use AUSLAN as the one and only sign language to communicate with others which is what the Australian deaf community use. This visual spatial language is for deaf people with severe hearing impairment who are not able to speak, hear well or none at all which I am lucky still be able to do both at remarkably well today and never needed to be taught how to sign. Throughout the years in attendance of both mainstream primary and high-schools, I struggled for a long time with the severe bullying, for being ‘different’ compared to the other ‘normal’ kids that don’t have any disabilities and to try cope with the feelings of self-consciousness about my deafness, external cochlear implant equipment, worries around friendships, dating, job prospects and my future place in the world. Long story short, I think most of it had a lot to do with me being diagnosed with the anxiety disorder and depression I’ve been battling for a very long time and because of it, I’ve grew up too quickly and become a much more wiser, stronger, passionate, confident and humble person now.

After I left high school early and never got to finish the remaining of my last two years of schooling due to the fact that I really hated school and forced my parents to pull me out of there or I was going to deliberately get myself expelled. They were concerned about my future and that I wasn’t able to get a job however I proved them wrong with my plan of goals I wanted to achieved by enrolling and completing TAFE studies with three certificates under my belt. With having to find my own transport to TAFE everyday which would take me about an hour and half of being on foot, catching buses and trains. This didn’t bother me because I enjoyed TAFE, I felt welcomed, accepted and it was great fun to be around a mix of diverse mature same mind alike older classmates. I was the youngest student in the youth work class and it felt good to not be treated me any differently to others unlike the highschool kids did. This is when I longer not cared about what other people think of me, I started being myself and I’ve started behaving the way I’ve always wanted but I couldn’t before because of all the restrictions and limits I used to imposed on myself. You have no idea how much freedom and inner peace comes with letting go of your need to control what other people think of you.

I just wanted to point it out to you all that I know the world isn’t fair sometimes, no matter how good, intelligent, successful and lovable you are, no matter how much you give to others, someone is always going to hate you for no other reason than the fact that you breathe. There is nothing you can do with that and you can’t change people or their minds once they’ve allowed them to get twisted by the hatred, jealously, bitterness and baggage of theirs. But you can change how you deal with them. Never back down, but walk away when you can, fight when you must and don’t let people get to you because it’s not worth it, you’ll soon to realize your positivity and kindness will win out in the end. In regard to this, I remind myself everyday to stay true to myself, be strong and keep carrying on, no matter what happens in life as this too shall pass because end of the day, we’ve only got one life to live and we are left with two choices. I’ve realised It’s either you make this one count or give up.

Peace, love and light to all the strong and beautiful people out there who may be on their current road to darkness with their anxiety or depression and is struggling to stay hopeful during this difficult time, remember that nothing ever lasts forever

I also like to thank my both beautiful parents, they’ve gave me life and helped me make the most of it by giving me the confidence to be myself, they encouraged me when I succeeded and they stood by me when I messed up or needed some help. If it wasn’t for them and their support, I wouldn’t be moulded into the person I am today.

The poem below was written to me by one of my best friends G.Canning.

— A Journey To Happiness —

“I am the master of my own destiny

I am the gatekeeper to my own happiness

I am solely responsible for the choices that I make

I will not place blame on anyone when things don’t go my way

This is my life and mine alone, my each and every action, determines each and every reaction

I will always move forward with each and every day

I refuse to let the past haunt me in the present

I will not fear the unknown

I will be grateful for what I have and I will not dwell on what I don’t have

I will learn from my mistakes and refuse to travel down the pathway already travelled before.

I will not look down on other people for they too are on their own journey

I will learn to find peace with myself

I will remember that for all my problems there are millions more suffering more than me

I refuse to say “never” or “I can’t”

I will work hard to achieve my goals

I will not build barriers to prevent me from moving forward

There is nothing that can stand in my way

For every moment, in each and every day

This life, this moment is mine so I refuse to let it slip away.”

Panda wrote her story 5 years ago, she was 22 years old at the time.
She has a blog called Fallen Angel’s Blog – Words of Wisdom from her heart & soul.